My husband and I have four kids, three of them have autism and high support needs. All the four of the kids are under the age of 8. I’m a SAHM and do 99% of the parenting alone, my husband has never been a hands on dad. The kids go to multiple therapies a day which I take them to so when my twins were diagnosed I quit my job to stay home with them. I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years. He recently got a job where he works 12 hour days and he makes great money which he has recently started to use as an excuse to do whatever he wants. He absolutely loves his job and actually loves going every day, he works with his best friend.

This past week my mom took my kids to stay at her house because I had really bad bronchitis and desperately needed the rest. She did all the school and therapy drop offs etc and it gave me time to recover and sleep. The kids came back home today because thankfully I’m feeling so much better.

On Thursday night my husband and I got into an argument over him going to the bar after work for the 4th night in a row. We had planned earlier in the day to go Christmas shopping for the kids since they were with my mom and I was feeling better so I was disappointed he went to the bar again without even sending me a text to let me know that’s what he would be doing. He didn’t get home until almost midnight that night so obviously we couldn’t go shopping. He told me the Christmas shopping falls under my responsibility as the SAHM and I could have went alone he the them dropped the bombshell that he doesn’t enjoy being a dad or a husband, that he wants to work and earn money to spend on himself not us. The argument pretty much ended with him telling me that he provides for me and so he can do what he wants without having to ask me and if he chooses to go to the bar 7 nights a week he’s going to do that. He will not be telling me what he’s doing. He then called me some pretty terrible names and essentially said he makes the money to support our lifestyle so I need to get on board and deal with it because he never wanted a life where he has to ask someone if he can hang out with his friends. He’s 39 btw. He then left the house and drove over to his friends house to spend the night after I refused to apologize for being upset that he couldn’t even text me that he was going out after work.

He got home early afternoon yesterday and locked himself in our spare room and had purchased a do not disturb sign to hang on the door. Fast forward to this morning, my kids got back home and he’s still locked in the spare bedroom with the sign on the door. I lied to them and told them he’s working so they wouldn’t ask about it.

This is insane right? How does me being upset he didn’t text me to tell me he was going to the bar warrant behavior like this from him? I know what I need to do I just feel like my entire life has gotten turned upside down this close to Christmas. I haven’t worked in years at his request. I’m in CA so I know I would get alimony and child support since the marriage lasted longer than 10 years but I’m terrified. He’s telling me I will get nothing and he will move into a one bedroom apartment and start over, that he’s going to be ok in a year or so but things are going to be impossible for me with 4 kids. He said he won’t have time to take them 50% of the time because he works and will be moving into a small place. I think I’m going to file for divorce on Monday. I guess I’m just looking for someone to tell me I’m not overreacting to this situation. Some kind advice would be appreciated.