He trapped me 2x & I fell for it

I need advice or perspectives on my situation. Me & my children’s father who I’ve been with on & off for. 10 years recently just had a third child. Our first child was planned we had been trying but she was conceived unexpectedly after stopping to “try”. Our second & third he planned on me as he always says “ it was the right timing . “ it was God timing , God told me it’s time” . “ I needed them” (the kids). But we were in a rocky area of our relationship. We spoke about precautions & ways to protect ourselves during sex, I told him prior that more kids after our first born wasn’t the right decision. I still was pregnant later that month . With our third , I brung precautions, spoke about us , about how he knows I want marriage & how I came to terms with him wanting different things than me & how we would prevent kids from happening. Let me tell yall he is the best at withholding him semen he can have sessions of sex & not cum . He’s the most experienced man I’ve ever dealt with that’s good with withholding his but we prevented kids for 5 years before our first born . So here’s my reasoning for this post. Now that we have 3 kids & we are now sexually active again after postpartum of our third I can’t help but to feel disconnected. I feel myself getting angry , getting turned off , feeling trapped & angered by how he can just go back to withholding his semen perfectly but wouldn’t withhold it during my attempts to tell him , talk to him , and brung precautions to prevent pregnancy when I didn’t want anymore kids in a situation that wasn’t fitting for my life . He literally told me he intended on this recently during a talk . I couldn’t even gather my thoughts correctly. I know I had sex with him to o& that it takes 2 but I can’t process the fact that he said “yes I intended on this happening all 3 times” despite the actions, talks, morals & things I broke down to him .. my question is do I have a right to feel this way ? And what can I do to move past these hard feelings ? It’s to the point that we are now having sex & I’m disgusted watching him easily going back to withholding & being able to fully control his ejaculation & I’m questioning why didn’t he do this when I asked? Or didn’t do this for me period ?