orgasms….

i’m 20. i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. he’s never made me orgasm even though he thinks he has. i can occasionally make myself orgasm but honestly it doesn’t even feel that good so im not even sure that im fully getting off. anyways do yall have any tips ? i’ve tried a lot of things. penetration does not get me off whatsoever. in fact it makes me very uncomfortable and hurts sometimes but i just deal with it because i love him. i’m not “allowed” to use a vibrator because my boyfriend says it’ll make him not feel good to me anymore. so sometimes i try to use my hands but it’s really really hard to get off like that i just really can’t. oh and the times that i think i’ve had an orgasm are when i’ve used my massage gun while still having my clothes on and that feels rly rly good. but my boyfriend caught me one time and he was kind of okay with it but kind of upset so i got embarrassed and haven’t done it since. oh last thing he was mad because when he checked my panties after catching me he saw how soaked they were and he said i didn’t get that wet with him so yeah. thanks in advance for any advice or tips !!!