Trying not to test

My husband and I have been ttc for 7.5 years, 3 separate diagnosis’s, Medicated cycles, HSGs, medicated IUIs, everything short of IVF because we just can’t afford it. We stopped medications and IUIs August of last year and I’ve mostly given up hope that we’ll have a baby. I’m the pee on a million sticks even when it’s way too early for a positive kinda girly. But when we stopped actively tracking and trying I stopped that too. But this week I’m struggling with that. I went in for my annual exam and when my gynecologist, who has been with me through all 7 years of actively trying and I’ve been seeing for 10+ years, was all done she said “if you get a positive test make sure to schedule an appointment asap”. Now my brain is spiraling with “did she see something?” “Can you somehow tell from an annual exam?” “Maybe I should test” “why would she say that when she knows we’ve stopped trying, it must mean something”

Logically I know I’m squirrel braining and am back in a mindset that I worked really hard to get out of. But the baby fever part of my brain just takes over like a goblin telling me to go buy 50k tests and take them all. But I’m trying to force myself to just wait for AF to show up before I crush my own heart with negative tests. Because I also know that if she thought I might be pregnant she’d have had them test for HCG too when she sent me for my labs. But man the goblin brain is hard to turn off, so here I am at midnight venting to an app while my husband snores away. 😅😂