Egh... I had to wake up again this morning feeling absolutely miserable. Yes my body hurts and yes I'm anxious to hold my new baby and scared because we lost our last at 4 months old to SIDS in November of 2013.  But this morning as I dragged myself out of bed to the kitchen and started my coffee I could feel that dark cloud hanging over me. Life is ok right now. I mean we have our bad days but I'd say there are a lot of things I live for. So why !! For the third morning I woke up sad and angry and just miserable. Why do I have to endure this torture. I want to be happy... I want to enjoy these last few weeks of my last pregnancy... I want to wake not feeling like I have to fend off death and all his demons. I want to wake up and be able to prepare my house for my new arrival instead of sitting on the couch battling the darkness. So many people don't realize how much effort it takes to live thru these bad days for those of us with depression. They expect us to be able to change our mood. To just be able to pull the energy together to function as we normally do when we aren't battling depression. I remind myself that I am strong and try to encourage myself with affirmations of how today will be good day.