So I guess I am writing this post because it is still pretty tough to talk about face to face with people.

My daughter was born in 2009 after 18 months of ttc. In June of 2011 I started to have some unusual symptoms about two weeks after I had, what I thought was, a normal period. I had terrible cramps on my right side and an odd browish discharge. It turned out I had an ectopic pregnancy in my right fallopian tube that was on the verge of rupturing. Up until this point I didn't even know I was pregnant. I ended up in surgery, which was a failed laproscopic surgery, and ended up being opened up. Lost the tube. 6 weeks or so to recover. I was never really emotional about the situation ,from the standpoint of losing a baby. It all happened so fast and I was really just relieved to learn that I still had a good chance of conceiving again.

Which I did about 8 months later. My son was born in the end of November in 2012. So here we are just over three years later and its news years <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">eve</a>. I had that funny feeling (we were not actively trying) that I was preggo. So before the evenings festivities began, I took the test and BAM BFP. We were excited and nervous. We never really spoke about having another baby, but we were also very tickled at the thought that we didn't have to stress over trying again either. Win win.

Until last week. I was having regular blood work every 48 hours per my obs orders. With a history of ectopic she wanted to make sure my levels were raising appropriately. And the were. They would double or triple every time. I went from 180 on a monday to 4,400 the following monday. I felt great, other than the normal moodiness and sore boobs. I never had a single symptom that would suggest this was another ectopic. Then last week on Wednesday night I woke up feeling like someone was crushing my kidneys. The pain was so unreal that I was vomiting constantly. My husband took one look at me and started running. He got the car warmed up, gently woke the kids, and loaded them up, before coming back for me.

I was only in the car for about 5 minutes before I passed out from the pain. I woke up as I was being wheeled into the ER. They immediately put in an IV and pumped morphine and adavan and brought me right to the Sonogram ward. It took the radiologist all of maybe 10 minutes before she called the dr in and they started talking to me. The dr said she had already called up to the OR and they were preparing a room for me for surgery. WHAT?!?

I had another ectopic pregnancy. I couldn't believe it, but you could certainly see it on the ultrasound. You could also see that my abdomen was filled with lots of darks black spaces, and that was the blood filling my belly. This ectopic was a rare ovarian ectopic and it was as if my whole ovary just exploded. I was a little luckier this time when the dr was successful with the laproscopic surgery (a little less painful recovery). I did end up loosing my right ovary, however during the surgery she checked out my left side and I still have a good ovary and tube on that side. All good news. Only its different this time. This time I feel this awful sense of loss that I can't shake. I'm sure it will get better in time as all wounds do and I am so grateful for my 2 beautiful kids. Thank you for listening. I just needed to tell my story.