Healing is hard
It's been 2 months now.
Jackson has been buried.
I've had a period.
I have a return date to work (another month)
I feel like I'm spinning my wheels some days.
I can laugh. I can enjoy moments, even days. Then I have a week where I only get out of bed when husband comes home. There are days where I pick fights because I'm so damn angry at SOMETHING, but can't quite place the anger anywhere else.
And then there are the other days. The ones where I need to feel. I need to hurt. I have such a hard time remembering the delivery (thanks maternal amnesia) that I just need to hurt to feel I'm a proper mother.
He died. My baby died. And yet, despite that unalterable, unwavering, unfathomable fact, I have a hard time remembering that I'm supposed to be mothering.
But I only got 1 act of parenthood. I only got to touch my baby once. I only got the hard parts, none of the joy.
Healing is hard. I still sometimes feel like I'm in a daze because, damnit, I don't have a baby....so did I ever? Was this all a bad dream?
No.
So I press on.
I allow those days to happen in their own order.
I ride the waves, and hope for better.
And sometimes I need a cry.
This helped - it was comforting and agonizing.
If you're reading this, maybe watch. It may help you too.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MQolbL6Qcq0
The Deafening Silence
Comment
Add Comment
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.
