BM Will we ever get along?????

Question

Today was a GREAT day. My fiancé finally got his day in court with his kids' mother. His twins were born last year in January and this past year has been hell dealing with her. Since she physically had the babies, she felt it was up to her if and when he got to see them. Just like the typical BM, if she felt "disrespected", she wouldn't let him see their kids. I know it all comes from her frustration of him moving on so quickly after their breakup and his refusal to her attempts to reconcile and her attempts to just have sex.  Anyway it's only a temporary order but he has joint physical and legal custody. The judge saw right through her. I could've danced down the aisle.

Anyway I don't hate this woman eventhough she continues to threaten to "whoop my ass"; these threats are never directly to me but to my fiancé. Even with all the struggles and stress she's caused my SO, I don't hate her. I feel empathy for her. I've been a single mother at her age and I know how hard it is except that my child's father wanted nothing to do with him and my SO is just the opposite. If the father wants to help and be around for his kids, why are you trying so hard to alienate them?  I would've been happy to get real help over a small amount of child support. Anyway I'd like to be able to get along with her. There may be times when I'll have to help with drop offs and pick ups if my SO is at work and I don't want no confrontation. Right now my SO doesn't want me to go alone because of all her threats.

Is there any way at all that me and her can be civil?  How do I go about starting a convo about this?  I've made sure not to say anything to her for months because every time I did, no matter how polite I was, it was always turned around into a problem. I'm not mad at her but she hates my guts. Do you think there's any way to resolve this?

Answer

I really dont think your talking about "Bowel Movement" here when u say BM...

Answer

My husband and I have been married for over a year and a half and his sons mom has not even said hello to me once. Accept it how it is.

Answer

My husband be was like that at the beginning of our relationship. She hated me, and was always talking trash but never directly to me. She made his life hell, always using his son to manipulate him. Then it got to where one day I was the best thing to happen to both of them and the next I was a whore. Depending on her relationship status. It took a while but now we are on good terms. Me and my husband are married and she is now engaged with a baby due anytime. It took two years but now the remarks are little to none. I think she still gets a little jealous sometimes because me and her son have a great relationship but she knows I'm not trying to take her place and only want what's best for him. Just continue to be polite and let your SO handle the drama.

Answer

Just give it some time. It gets better. But there are also ups and downs even after it gets better. She's intimidated by YOU!

Answer

Sometimes I do interact with my ex husband's wife regarding my daughter. My ex husband sucks at communicating with me. One of our issues when we were married. It really has taken us a lot of time to get to the point where we can discuss things. My ex husband keeps his wife away from me a lot, so it has been hard. Can you do a communication notebook or email? Sometimes that's easier then face to face.

Answer

I imagine when she gets over him and finds happiness in a new relationship is when she will be civil to you.

Answer

My boyfriends BM refuses to talk to me about anything concerning the baby. We have been together two years and she left and cheated on him. She does everything she can to control him and says things like the baby break out after our visits, or if me and my little one go it's not fair and the baby is crazy about my little one. She is just really dumb good luck

Answer

You can't make her be nice. Continue being cordial towards her but it seems like a waste of your time to try and be friends

Answer

I'm dealing with the exact same thing with my kids' mom.  You can't force her to be a decent or reasonable person, you just have to make sure that you're the reasonable one and don't say anything to anyone (especially when the kids get older) that can be considered negative against her, and don't post anything on Facebook about the situation.  Play nice, keep everything clean on your end. When the kids get older, if it's evident that she has animosity towards you and displays it in front of the kids, it may be enough tension on them that her behavior (and threats) can lead to her losing custody and placement.

BM Will we ever get along?????

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