8 day before af and cd 18.

I have eight days before af I am on cycle day 18 with a 26 day cycle. Tested today and bfn!! I feel like I am out again this month. I am pretty sad and feel like it never going to happen. I just want to finish out family and live our life. I never knew being in your 30's would be so hard. I have four children and all but one was planned and I feel like I get pregnant really fast with them. I know it will happen when its our time but just wish it would hurry up and come. Anyways vent over ;(