Help! Ex fucked me up

When i first had sex it was the most horrible experience ever. Everything was fine at first he was gentle but then he asked me to go on top which I was fine about and I had an amazing orgasm but the thing that has freaked me out is that he came inside me and didn't tell me I was on bc but just the fact that he never asked me if I was.i literally froze and didn't move and I just sat still with him inside me and cried  I knew I was being safe but now I have a constant fear of going on top. I have a loving boyfriend that loves me to pieces he knows what happened and he was fine and understood why I never been on top with him before. I have tried councilling but I just don't know how I can forget about and move on and maybe on day actually be on top and enjoy myself without havin to cry. Yes I have tried but I made an excuse and said I was sore and just sa and cried in the bathroom. Please help