Depression and ttc

I am having a very difficult time and I figured maybe some of you ladies could help. We conceived 4 years ago but had the abortion pill cause we weren't ready. We have now been ttc for 14 cycles and no luck. I had an apportionment with my gyno last week and she is sending me for progesterone and prolactin. She wants and hsg but I would have to pay out of pocket so I'm not sure what we are going to do about that yet. I wake up so depressed and I don't even want to get out of bed. Sometimes it gets to the point where I wish I wouldn't wake up. I hate saying this but this is how I feel and I am not okay with feeling like this. I feel like I'm being punished and it's never going to happen. I honestly hate myself. And yes I am looking into seeing a therapist but I'm having a rough day and hoped you ladies could help. Thank you for taking the time.