Is he married to me...or his phone?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 9 months. When we met, we lived in different countries, so for 2 years, we had a long distance relationship where we went 3-6 months without seeing each other. My husband is a great man - charming, very intelligent, handsome, and sensitive. After much discussion, we decided that after we married, I'd move to his country. I left behind a nice apartment, great job, and amazing family. But I never really doubted my decision. It was just what was necessary to be with the man I loved.

Things are going well, in general. But he's constantly on his phone. I know he's not up to anything he shouldn't be, but he's naturally curious so he may intend to check his email but 30 minutes later, he's still on there group messaging, reading about making bread, or watching a video. I'm still adjusting to life in a different country...still searching for a job and making friends. So when he comes home at the end of the day, I'm excited to spend time with him. However, he immediately goes into the sitting room to relax while I'm in the kitchen making dinner (it's more comfortable in there) and for the rest of the evening, his eyes are glued to his phone. I've mentioned it several times and he might do better for a day or two, but then he's right back at it. It's very hurtful to me because I feel he doesn't care about spending time with me. Last night, I was in the middle of a sentence when his phone vibrated. Without hesitation, he picked it up to read a message. Once he's looking at his phone, he literally doesn't hear me anymore. I thought it was so rude.

It may not be entirely fair, but I guess I hold him to a higher standard because I gave up my whole life to be here with him. I could deal with being homesick, missing my family, etc if I felt I was with someone who was crazy about me. But I didn't give up all that to feel lonely all the time. Especially when he's right next to me.

I know he's not cheating, because I know someone will say that.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be the happy person that I used to be again.

Answer

Could you ask that he put his phone in another room while you are eating and just start there? I'm guessing it will take some time to adjust, but maybe you can start small and ask him to spend more time with you and put his phone far away. I'm glad he tries when you ask, but it isn't so good that there's backsliding. I wonder if he's so glued to his phone because he used to use it to communicate with you when you were distant! :)

Answer

My husband was the same way and he still is kinda attached to his phone but thats to be expected considering he runs his own business. Fortunately, we get our quality time together now. Apart from my mil pulling him up on it and telling him to pay attention to me, when I felt it was getting too much I'd say "If you don't get off that phone, I will throw that thing out the damn window". I'm a very lenient person and by the sounds so are you, so when I say something like that my husband knows he's really testing my patience. He'll apologize and get off his phone and we'll spend quality time together. You really just need to put your foot down hun! Make him aware that you're getting fed up and are feeling alone.

Answer

When my hubby wouls be glued to his phone i would leave the living room sit in our room watch movies on ipad. Untill he would see something wasnt right cuz i was sick of talking  now when we sit together he has his moments but its eased off  worked for me i jus got sick of fighting  its hard when change someone who doesn't see an issue with their actions. Bettet they realize themselfs. Men just think we nag all the time. So i left him yo his phone and he came to me. Goodluck

Answer

I personally really feel as though phones and technology combined with addiction can ruin a marriage just as much is anything else can, if it is allowed to. I would let him know that you feel hurt because he is distancing from you and you feel sad that communicating with you is not his first priority. Then you have to convey your needs to him about what you need in order to feel more safe and secure about the relationship. Which clearly should be that he spends less time on his phone and more time communicating with you. You can come to a compromise such as, he is on his phone until you finish dinner and then once dinner is done, phone goes away, you eat together and spend time together, and then perhaps he can check his phone again before bed. If he can't agree to this, you may want to try counseling so that he can hear this from a third-party.

Answer

Trek him how you feel and that you would like some undivided attention.  It is frustrating for how long they can be on their phones.

Answer

Ahhh I'm pretty bad about being on my phone all the time, too. You should try to set a whole day of the week when you're both "unplugged," no phones all day. If that isn't possible, unplugged dates and unplugged dinner together ever night!

Answer

My husband and I go through the same thing. One way that we deal with it, for normal day to day solutions, is we both agree that when he gets home from work neither of us are on our phones or iPads for 2 hours and that's just time that we spend together. Wheather it's talking or just watching a moving together. After that, if there's a specific activity or conversation we want to have, we let the other one know that in 15, 20, 30, etc minutes we need to do something. That gives the person time to finish whatever they were doing and give the other their full attention. We also don't use any phones 1 hour before going to bed.

Answer

Make a point of having ' date nights ' when it's just u 2 and no phones! Make  it worth his while to devote his attention to u - when he realises what he is missing out on the phone will soon gp back to second place!

Answer

Make a point of having ' date nights ' when it's just u 2 and no phones! Make  it worth his while to devote his attention to u -

Is he married to me...or his phone?

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