Happily never after

Im all alone. Pregnant with twins. I am 9w 2d. It seems like i cry everyday because i am worried about where things are gonna end up. I have no support. No job. No car. My family & i broke up after my mom died. My twins father is completely awol. Hes blocked me via calls text & fb. He is telling all our mutual friends that im crazy & trying to pin a child on him. He is denying that he ever told me he loved me & is regretting seeing me in the first place. Hr slways said hed be there. i got a text from him said how excited he was about the twins. Then i got one about wanting to talk only to find out that he had got set up by my bff. Apparently she texted him seductively to show he was a dog & he took the bait. I he hasnt texted or contacted me since. I got a 9 yo that i had to raise alone because her father couldnt keep his hands to himself. It was hard but i had my family. Now im all alone. I dont believe in abortion & i want my babies but i think im causing them future harm emotionally because well all be alone. Sometimes i just think about ending my life. But i cant & wont hurt them. But it just so depressing. Its hard to celebrate this wonderful time.