I think I have a problem!!

I've been lied to in every relationship I've ever been in, I've been cheated on & played for a fool in front of other females. I had a guy I was with 2 years & texted me saying he had a dream to break up with me & the next day he was with my best friend. I had a relationship with another guy 2 years & I'd always see him texting or fb messaging ex girls or ransoms saying how he didn't like me, how he wanted them and allowing them to talk down on me.. I've been played in some of the worse ways possible... Now I've been with the same guy almost 3 years.... & we've been through A LOT & most of it was honestly on my part, now at first neither of us actually liked each other but now we really do love and care... I've stopped talking to him plenty of times BC I always allowed people or things to make me think things.. I admit I hate when he's gone, I can't stand not hearing from him it makes me think bc I'm a thinker & I overthink everything. I've slept with another guy before and he has forgiven me, I've hung out with other guys while we weren't together that I knew he didn't like & he looked past that, he's a very honest guy& doesn't sugarcoat anything, he's also one of those guys that could care less about sex, he loves having sex with me but he wouldn't do anything like that to hurt me he's focused on school & his 3 jobs... But it was one period of time where I got done with him and hadn't been messing with him for a few months and was talking to another guy bc I felt as though I just needed to move on and I told him that... He ended up sleeping with a girl that I knew, but my cousin set it up bc she and me were mad at each other and they both lied telling him she didn't know me and she said she didn't know me... He told me and apologized bc he didn't do it in spite of me... But it hurt me so bad.. & I keep thinking about how he has sex with me, wondering if he did the same with her, I get scared he didn't use a condom I just think about everything possible & I feel very hurt & the girl also sleept with my brother and a cousin she's just slutty & he didn't know that either. He doesn't associate with any of em anymore but then I think what if he does, I know he's getting tired of me bc I always complain I always bring things back up but he never brings up what I've done, but I think about him hurting me worse, I'm scared he's playing me, I'm scared but I'm like this with everyone, I've lost a lot of friends etc bc of my anger, trust issues etc... & he's still here but I'm just scared idk what to do with myself....