We have been TTC for 8 months now. We recently went through a few infertility tests and met with an infertility doctor to discuss treatment options. When we started the testing, I told my family about what we were going through.

The day of our telehealth appointment with the infertility doctor, I was feeling optimistic. One of my fallopian tubes is blocked, and my husband's sperm are slow and slightly mishaped. I'm going to start taking Clomid to increase the chance of ovulating from the opened side, and we'll do IUI to overcome the issues with the sperm. We know what our hurdles are and have a plan to overcome them. I felt calm and confident that we are on our way to being parents.

I received a text from my sister during the appointment, and checked it after we jumped off the zoom call. It was a picture of a positive pregnancy test and it said "So, this happened. Guess I need a van ASAP. Lol"

My sister is 5 years younger than me and already has 3 kids. None of her pregnancies were planned. I want to be happy for her. I want to be able to listen to her gush over how her kids reacted to the news, how excited her husband is, and how she can't wait to find out the sex.

But instead I feel jealous, annoyed, and flat out pissed. I'm upset with the lack of sensitivity in the text. I'm annoyed that my sister can accidentally get pregnant 4 times, while I'm actively trying and can't make it happen. I feel broken because of my infertility issues and wonder if the universe is trying to tell me I'm not good enough to be a mom. And a part of me is upset that if I do get pregnant on our next cycle that I'll have to share the spotlight with my sister. Petty and childish, I know, but emotions aren't always rational.

I cried when I got that text. I'd suck it up during work meetings, but keep my camera off to hide my puffy red eyes. Then I'd cry some more while working on my own. A week and a half later and I still cry all the time. My husband tries to comfort me, but his advice is to just stop talking to my sister.

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I'm hoping he can give me ways to cope.

TTC with infertility