..lately I'm just so absolutely disappointed in him. If you've read some of my posts before you've probably seen me say his dad passed away in December and he's been a mess since. A mess in the sense that he's always at his moms (which is fine I even encourage it) but he's there more than he's here right now. Which she needs him to help her finish building the house they were working on but I need him too. 

I'm also not a drinker. Alcohol was always an issue for my mom when I was growing up and I ended up being more of the mother than the daughter. I've never really drank in fear I would be like her or that's all I can really associate it with. My husband loves to drink. He doesn't do it every day or anything but it's just like he always is so inconvenient about the times he wants to go out and when he does he almost always over indulges. Last week at my dr appointment he came smelling like stale beer and wearing the same clothes he had wore the night before. I just blew up on him on the way to the dr. I couldn't hold it in anymore and I just told him I felt like he spends more time doing other things than spending time with us and I need his help with a 2 year old and being 9 months pregnant. He started crying and just saying he didn't realize I was so unhappy and he just missed his dad so much and he doesn't know how to deal with it and he doesn't want to be sad about it anymore. 

So last night he goes out with his brother for his birthday and he leaves around 1:30 to go golf and tells me he'll be home around 6:30. 8 pm rolls around and he's at the bar playing the slot machines. Which is another issue we've been arguing about is the gambling. I was SO upset with him. I'm just feeling so crappy lately and I seriously need his help and it scares me once the baby gets here I won't have his help at all with a newborn and a toddler. I just feel let down. He kept telling me on Saturday this is the last night I'm going to drink until baby gets here. He drank Saturday, Sunday, yesterday, and he's going to meet with a friend tonight to discuss a business plan they're working on and I'm SURE they will be having drinks as well.

And on top of all this stress I feel he's freaking out about when I'll have the baby bc he's supposed to be out of the state April 4-6 and I'm scheduled to be induced on the 7th. Well I may not make it to the 7th and there's a good chance I could go into labor when he's gone. With our son he was out drinking with his brother when I went into labor and spent the first 2 hours of my labor throwing up trying to sober up... And now this time he may not even be here. I just feel like me and the kids get the short end of the stick in every situation and I'm so over it...😞