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Used once again

Charlie • Fri, Apr 15 • Bass playing bad ass with all too many questions

Disclaimer; kind if graphic?

I know I made some bad choices. I'm looking for support please, I don't need to be told what I did wrong

This guy seemed great. He was older, cute, varsity football player, very attentive. He was interested in me and was pursuing me, I had to do no work. He said we'd just hang out, maybe kiss a little. I didn't expect much. I didn't really want to hang out, but he convinced me and picked me up from school. Right away I knew something wasn't right. He kept touching my face and my thigh and held my hand very early on. This was the first time I had met him. I wasn't comfortable with his hand squeezing my thigh and I tried to say something but he joked it off.

When we got to his house I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. He sat me on the bed and told me to get undressed and then walked away. I thought I heard him wrong so I just sat there, stunned. He came back and sat down and took my shirt off. Then my bra. Then he threw me down on the bed and got on top of me. There was lots of kissing and groping. I have five hickeys as a result of him. He tried to take my pants off and I shook my head, but then a few minutes later he unzipped them and threw them off before I could say anything. I was so anxious at this point. He was naked as well, getting too close to sex for my liking. He tried to initiate sex and I shook my head and said no and he started pouting. He pressed so hard against me it hurt. I shook my head at this and he asked "what?" Because since he wasn't inside of me, he didn't think it was out of my boundaries. I didn't want it. I was clenching tight as he thrusted against me. I was kind of scared. I offered to blow him just to get him off of me, hoping he'd finish in my mouth and that would be that. After giving him head he just got rougher, which I normally like. But I could feel him pounding right against my entrance, I tried to get lost in kissing him, trying to ignore it. He got rougher and rougher, eventually finishing with his dick so close to being inside of me. He offered to let me shower, but he jumped in with me. I finally got time alone when he let me dry my hair. I had to be home soon so he drove me home. He held my hand a little, but was already getting distant.

A week later, he's blocked me on snapchat and Facebook after we barely talked. I don't know what I did wrong. I've had guys try to use me just for sex before but never done anything physical before the past three weeks.

Every where he touched me feels dirty. Looking at the bruises makes me want to vomit and almost sends me Ito a panic attack.

I just need some support, I feel so worthless.

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