My boyfriend's porn addiction. This is a little graphic yet tasteful.

Let me first say morally I don't agree with pornography. Yes I have watched it, even liked it, but I personally believe it portrays sex, more often than not, as much different than real world experiences and gives us unrealistic expectations of what sex should be. It's smoke and mirrors, with actors playing a role, like any other movie. However, it is not my place to say what other people participate in sexually. In a previous relationship my long term boyfriend watched pornography without causing any ripples in our healthy sexual relationship. He might watch it twice or more a week. Our physical relationship was sound and so I was never bothered by his choice to indulge.

I still don't watch pornography. Haven't in years. Met a new guy, let's call him Jake, (Jake from state farm ;)) he is sweet, and our goals for the future are right on point. We have been dating for over two years now with relative success. He isn't an overly affectionate person, I would say I'm the needy one in our relationship. Jake abused drugs including steroids a few years prior to us meeting and now claims his get em up issues come from that. It sucks sometimes but I accept him for it. I am no sex fiend anyway. We have sex once or twice a week.

Everything with us is pretty average for a mid twenties couple, aside from his appetite for porn. He knows I'm not a fan and with him having cheated early in our relationship I feel pretty dejected thinking about him staring at other naked women. He was watching it pretty steadily for quite some time but when the cheating and mistrust issues ensued he quit cold turkey on account of how much it was hurting me. A sort of rededication to our relationship. Last night I found hoards of it on his computer history dating back to early October. Yes I was snooping. Call me a psychopath. I sniffed a rat. And I'm glad I looked because now I have more of the truth of where he stands than I did two days ago.

It hurts. Lots of big booty Jaguar Judy's squirting on camera and choking on big dicks. I don't squirt, am not over fifty, my ass doesn't compare to J low's, and let me tell you his penis doesn't look like they do in the movies (nor do I personally find the idea of choking on a large penis appealing). I've never had a problem with that. I love him as he is. As well as love me for who I am. I feel beautiful and he often makes it a point to tell me so. However knowing that he is looking at this makes me sick. It is listed on the history EVERY DAY. Including days I know we had sex or spent the night together.

Mostly I am upset that he has be hiding this from me. Although I can't help but feeling as though pornography has given him an avenue to direct his sexual energy. This is not inherently all bad, but is it at the expense of our sex life? In my mind he is looking for things in pornography that we don't have in our sexual relationship. My immediate reaction was anger and sadness but at this point I want to handle this positively.

I talked to him about it and his reasoning for watching is that I am not around every moment he has a sexual impulse, nor would he want to have sex at each flight of fancy. I agree not every time I feel week between the knees do I want to submit to sex. The build up is half the fun anyway right? I suggested exchanging sexually explicit photos or more foreplay without intercourse. Both were immediately shot down. He thinks this will make his interest in our sex life wane. He doesn't want to be suffocated by sexuality. In my mind this is just him avoiding intimacy with me. I would be thrilled if he were attempting to woo me all day everyday. It's obvious his sexual drive is there, no matter what he claims about erectile dysfunction. But he doesn't want to direct this energy toward me. I am at a loss and don't know what to do. I don't want to look like the insecure woman who is jealous of pornography but it's almost as bad as him having another woman.

Anybody please help!