How do I get him interested in sex again?

Question

My soon to be husband has been very distant lately. I have tried to get him interested in sex, I dress up, make dinner, offer myself to him in whatever way he wants, I offer myself to him often and yet he doesn't seem interested. He's 42 and I'm 27, I am incredibly in love with him and he gives me EVERYTHING else I could ever want and we get along so well but sex is important to me and it doesn't seem important to him anymore. It was important to him when we first started dating and pretty much up until we got engaged. Could it be that now that we are deciding a life together and planing a family he's having a complex? I want to have sex again, I want him to find me attractive :(

Answer

I know what you feel. My husband is 10 years older than me and we have the same issue sometimes. I'm a believer that age doesn't make a difference in love but it does in sex. If he's anything like my husband he's already "been there, done that" so to speak. He's experienced a lot more than you have, most likely, so it's not as necessary for him as it is for you. I've had to talk to my husband a few times and remind him about that; that I'm younger than him and still have strong desires and needs sexually. Try talking to him seriously and explain that although you love him deeply, you need him physically. Remind him that the day may come where you don't desire him anymore because he hasn't been there for you sexually and that that's the day he should be worried. Not in a threatening manner but a factual sense, because it could happen. Good luck, you're not alone.

Answer

I can completely relate to you! I've never felt so unattractive in my life! The thing with my relationship though is that he's ALWAYS been this way with me, but was with a different woman every night (literally) up until the day we started dating. I'm 31 & he just turned 33 last week. It's causing so many issues & only gets worse as the time goes on. When I try to talk about it, he gets defensive & argues with me, then has the nerve to say that the reason that we're not having sex is b/c we're arguing! He keeps rejecting me & has my self esteem so low now that I feel like something is wrong with me, even though I'm smart enough to know better. If your husband is willing to talk to you, & it doesn't always make you feel worse than before you said something, then communication is your best option. I feel that is necessary to have a healthy relationship, so I don't know why I stay in mine! Good luck!

Answer

Have you talked to him about your sexual needs or perhaps what he might be in the mood for lately? Could just be his age? Not sure how long you guys have been together but personally things have always slowed down for me after a few years into a serious relationship. He could also just be stressed about external factors beyond your relationship and allowing this to bleed into your sex life. Of course there are the crazy conclusions you can jump to like cheating and pornography addictions but if I were you I'd let him know how you feel. Honesty is always the best policy. Good luck!

How do I get him interested in sex again?

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