Abusive relationship or not?

So I've been having relationship ups and downs. And there are some emotional abuse signs but he has no idea he's doing them?! None of it is on purpose. They may just be hurtful habits I need to bring up. 
Which I've tried and he just doesn't understand. I feel I have to over explain my self to the point where I don't even know what I'm talking about and get frustrated. 
And Incase you were wondering. Sex isn't that great.. I mean he finishes and it doesn't feel terrible for me. Just.. Nothing special. Open for any suggestions.