Body count #2

So I recently got out of an relationship (1 month ago but it's been rocky ) and he was my first and we were all down for each other .. Well I talked to this one guy who I kinda wanna do but I'm not sure cuz I get nervous .. But yesterday we went on a backroad and we were going to do it but I freaked out and he just fingered me (it was the best omg ) but I had to close my eyes so I wouldn't cry cuz my ex was the only guy I've ever been with like tht. ... Why is it so hard for me to just do this guy.