when i was 13 years old i was dating a boy who was 16. we started dating in January and his birthday was August. he said he wanted sex. I was so scared bc I knew nothing about sex. i barely knew my own lady parts. (my family is not big on sex ed or talking about that stuff) so his birthday came we went out in his truck to the middle of no where and we went to the back seat and started making out. i stopped and told him i didn't want to get his hopes up, so he then grabbed me and got on top of me ( we were laying down ) and i just had my hands holding my pants up bc he kept trying to take them off. he was kinda nude but i didn't want to take my clothes off. then he put his dick by my face and started grabbing my boobs. i told him to stop and he did but then he put on a condom and said something about how I shouldn't be a disappointment or blue ball him because it was his birthday.. then THANK GOD someone came and told us to leave and got his license plate #. I was so scared. then as we were going home he just kept saying fuck you you blue balled me this is the worst birthday ever, and I just took it. a few days after he said to dress up and we were going out so I thought maybe dinner? he made me keep my eyes closed and when I opened them we were at a motel. his brother got him a room for us.  then that's when i lost my virginty.. i never told him yes but he was so heavy I couldn't get him off of me. he didn't have my consent and he still did it. i am now 16 and he is 19. no one knows about this or about how he used to hit me at times. but it just now got to me and I feel disgusting and I hate myself right now