Love triangle

I love 2 men. I secretly talk to my ex and I miss him and I want to meet him just to see how he is but I also love my boyfriend so much. I know I'm doing wrong and it's also lying and cheating to my bf since he doesn't know I still text him.... Idk what to do😭😳....

Please advice...

My ex is amazing at conversation and we always have something to talk about but he's verbally abusive and always acts on impulse and what he feels and demands things immediately. This why I left him

My bf is more shy and he prefers video games instead of talking to me but he's not abusive or impulsive. I've been with my bf 1 year and I lasted with my ex 6 months. Could it be because I stayed with my bf longer he feels the need to not pay so much attention?

Idk what to do. Is it a bad idea to remain in communication with ex?

Sometimes I feel like my bf doesn't really give me attention or talk a lot to me like my ex did😳😳