Relapse on smoking 😔

I HATE MY pregnancy! This is the worst time of my life, I thought it would've been a happy time and I just down right HATE it. From not having constant support from my child's father to my own cousins wanting to fight me and one telling me I should've been had an abortion, and the other arguing me on the name me and my child's father decided on. To telling me he's going to be gay because of the name, it's a girls name. That I need to go back to my 10 fingers and find another name. That my mother won't argue with me but she will, to then saying my child's father doesn't like that name either. To then threatening to run me over with her car. Saying she doesn't care if I'm pregnant she'll fuck me up. To him getting mad that I argued with people to defend my child and myself. To constantly breaking up with me every week. To the point where I hit depression sooooo hard that I relapse on smoking and I start to hate myself because I'm hurting my son. And that was never my intentions. To being called a stupid bitch for smoking and a bad mother. To being told I'm a bitch and feel bad that my child has me for a mother and would never want me as their mother and that was said by my cousin. I don't eat, I cry so hard that I feel like I'm killing me and my child. I just want to die. I pray so hard that God makes it my time to just kill me off. I hate that I'm smoking at 19 weeks but it's not heavy and it never was. It's not okay! I just wish I can find encouragement to be happy and enjoy the last 4 months I have left in my pregnancy since these first 5 months have been horrid. I just feel unsupported. To people telling me it's my age why I'm not calm enough. But I hate disrespect. And I hate that people have made this time miserable and highly depressing for me. I don't know if any other woman is going thru this, which is why I'm sharing my story. I'm just devastated that my child is going to die and or suffer because of the people that have bullied me this entire pregnancy. Thru all of it I have now convinced myself that my child is going to die. And I'm just devastated. I hate myself.