I need some comfort

I feel all alone. Am I bad wife cause I'm so jumpy about him cheating or looks at porn, he doesn't cheat and he doesn't look at porn anymore cause I asked him to stop, but I can't help snoop around and I found the page on Instagram that was recently looked up and we just argued you about it. He got mad cause I called him a lier and I feel bad cause he isn't the one to lie but I can't help but keep my guard up. Every time I've let it down shit happens and never for the better. Not only that but I grew up seeing three men cheat on their wives but could still go home and look them in the eye and tell them they love them. And i still see stuff like this today, I'm so scared with me bein cautious I might push him away. My best friend is no help talking to and my husband is the only other person I have. I've always been so alone in life and these are my only people I can turn to. Idk what to say or do or how to feel. I typed this whole thing crying, I just idk what to do. I hate the way I grew up it has ruined me.