So this is going to be a long post. Yeah it may be a touchy subject but, I need to talk about it. I know that some people look at miscarriage as no big deal but, it is to me. Now do not get me wrong I love seeing all these beautiful women on my timeline becoming mommies. To me motherhood is one of the best things to ever happen to any couple. However, there are also my personal feelings. No one really knows or knew Aaron and I have been trying for a baby since December of last year. Every month since then I have gotten so excited thinking this month is it. Only to be slapped in the face when Mother Nature comes along. Each month I go and take a test hoping and praying this is it. I've listened to the it will happens when you least expect it, the trying part is the fun part, and stop stressing over it and just enjoy the journey. This advice I have listened to for almost four years now. I've had three miscarriages and watched while it seemed like everyone I knew got pregnant so easily. I've silently wept and hated myself for not being strong enough to carry a baby. Don't get me wrong I love Sky dearly and she was truly a miracle. However, deep down inside I want back all the babies I've lost. Each day seeing someone else become pregnant and seeing new babies brings me joy and pain. Happy that another mother did not have to go through my pain and got to actually carry their baby to term. Sad because unfortunately I did not get that opportunity. They say that time heals all wounds but, for some reason mine didn't. With my first miscarriage it happened on my fathers birthday so that's a slap in the face each year. The second happened the day my niece and nephew were born. The third happened not that long before Thanksgiving. I guess you could say that each one these losses took a lot from me. They say it's normal for a woman to have at least one but, I've had three. Honestly, the last one hurt the most because I actually saw the heartbeat. I don't mean to ruin anyone's day or happiness in pregnancy. I'm excited for you guys I really am but, at the same time I'm sad for myself. I've held all the pain in for years I guess now it's just a little unbearable to keep in.