I never once got the talk from my parents. My county didn't have sex Ed. I learned what I knew about sex from movies like American Pie and Austin Powers. So when I was 15, had my first boyfriend who was almost 17, I thought it's what boyfriends and girlfriends did. He had told me "you can't get pregnant the first time." I believed him. I was an idiot. I got pregnant. Had my first child at 16. I have been miserable ever since. This child and his father have made my life a living hell. I should have just given him to his dad because I have had zero impact on this kid's life. I have done all I could for him. I have worked anywhere between 2-3 jobs since having him in order to support him and give him everything he needs and wants. This child has everything. He wants it he gets it. And it's come to bite me in the ass. We are the prime example as to why children should not have children. His father sees him every weekend but he comes back even more demonic than when he went down there. He is bossy. Back talks me. If he doesn't get what he wants exactly when he wants it he looks at me so demonically and will literally growl at me. He will throw things and kick them or lush his one year old brother down. I dam to the point where I don't want him living with me. And some people say "maybe he's jealous of his siblings and acting out." Not the case. He's been mean since he was about 1. He's 9 now. He's broken my nose twice. Once from head butting me. Another by punching me in the face. He threw out  hamster against the wall saying "pikachu I choose you" instantly killing it when he was 4. I took Pokemon away but that made him hate me. He has told me over and over again. I'm in a high risk pregnancy as it is and he isn't making it easy for me to stay relaxed and unstressed. I love him because he is my son and I feel like the worst mother in the world because I don't like the kid that he is. I have been trying for 9 years to be a good loving mom and I have failed him. I never beat him or spanked him or smacked him. I took toys away from him. I've taken priveleges from him. But it isn't working. I'm terrified about him growing up and hating me with such resentment that he kills me. I tried to talk my mother into taking him for the summer to help me out but she won't. His father lives two hours away now and is taking summer classes living it up at a college near the beach so I doubt he will take him Bc he only wants him on weekends. His other grandparents work weird hours and can't keep him so they won't take him. I feel like since I have failed him I'm going to fail my 1 year old and my new baby. All my life I had wanted to be a mother and now I'm realizing that I just suck at it.