Hosting Inlaws with a newborn?!

Question

Have any of you had inlaws come stay with you right around your delivery date or as soon as baby gets here? This was dropped on me today and I'm freaking out.
Back story... So my pregnancy has been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. So many stressful events occured throughout that I'm told I'm managing with grace. The most recent I unexpectedly managed funeral arrangements for my granny which meant I had to be away by my mom for a month. Now I'm back home in the process of moving into a new home and I'm 34 weeks. I am planning for my mom to be here since my grandmother isn't around for her to take care of like shes been doing for 3+ years. I think the new baby will lift her spirits and distract her. So now today I overhear my partner telling his mom coming to stay with us in late July early August is fine and thanks for letting him know. I'm due mid July so now I might have both moms here and his will give me anxiety since I cant properly host her. Especially after baby is here. Plus I will have a doula. I know I want him, my doula, and my mom around for the delivery but not her since we arent close enough honestly. So I'm now feeling overwhelmed and very worried, I don't want to offend. Maybe I'm being hormonal and the more the merrier? I just hope this doesn't mess up my bonding time plans with my new little family. I hope I dont feel awkward and uncomfortable with her there. I would of felt different if we had a close relationship but we don't yet.  I get she wants to be here for her son just wish the timing was better discussed with me. 
Signed,
Overwhelmed

Answer

Do what makes you feel comfortable. Your SO should of had a talk with you before just giving your inlaws the ok.

Answer

A few thoughts:
1) you need to get in the same page with your hubbs, whether she is coming or not you two should be in sync and he should not be extending an invite to her without discussing and coordinating with you.

2) She does not need to be in the delivery room with you.  You are totally ok to say that you will not be comfortable with your MIL seeing you spread eagle, vag up, potentially pooping on a table. I don't care what she thinks or your husband thinks, labor and delivery are about what you need.  The easier it is for you to relax through labor, the faster and easier it will go.  She may not even want or expect to be there!  Just clarify with your husband.

3) If you feel like you have to host her vs she is coming to help then you need to have a convo with your husband about expectations when she is there. She is there to help, not be entertained.  Simple.  She will probably totally get that and agree, but have the conversation with your husband so you know one way or another.  It's ok for her to come and you will need the help!

4) I would coordinate his mom and your mom so you don't have both there at once.  It's simple common sense - your mom for 2 weeks and then his mom for 2 weeks.  You will have help for a longer period this way!  His mom definitely has a right to come and spend time with you guys, and it shouldn't be just your mom forever, but it is reasonable to not want 2 house guests at once AND understandable that you'd want to milk the moms for help as long as you can! :)

It will be ok!! Just talk to your husband.

Answer

My in laws are planning on coming in August. I'm thinking of getting rid of our extra bed to use the extra room for the baby (our house is tiny) and having them get a hotel. Our house is really really small and last time his mom overstayed in a really uncomfortable way. My husband was deployed last time and this time I just want time for us as a family, with limited visitors (including my own family).

Answer

I guess she just wants to be there for her son & grandchild just like your mum is doing the same? & if you've already planned for your mum to stay I don't think his mum doing the same will ruin bonding time with you and your new family considering your mum will be there anyway? It'd be a different story if it was just his mum, but you having your mum too and denying his mum just doesn't seem far? If you's aren't close enough yet maybe now with your child here you two can become close? Would you husband be disappointed if you denied his mum but allowed yours?

Answer

I definitely get why that would be uncomfortable. I feel pretty uncomfortable around my in-laws as well and they constantly want family time. It's similar to having a needy girlfriend and with a brand new baby around it'll be a lot of extra work. I wouldn't worry about not hosting up to standards. Focus on your baby and yourself, because that's what is most important with a brand new little one. They should be wanting to help or support you when you're recovering from labor. Not the other way around. 😊

Answer

I hope she is a nice lady.. If yes she would understand that this is not the time to judge you on hosting skills.. Hope she ll be a support to you.. I understand that it would  have been better without her but now that you sont have an option stay positive, and this is the time people around you have to do something for you and not the other way round..

Answer

Surprisingly my in-laws are being super understanding. They will be invited for a weekend after baby is born - at the month or so range. But will be staying in a hotel and not at the house. My parents will be coming around the same time and probably doing the same thing.

Hosting Inlaws with a newborn?!

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