He brought up the B word!!
The hubby FINALLY brought up the baby topic on his own for the first time in months again! I've been waiting on him to show me or tell me he was definitely ready for another baby. Idk what brought it on. I think it could possibly, MAYBE, be because of the fact that I haven't brought it up in weeks. I figured there's no point in pushing a topic on someone who isn't ready for that step because ultimately they'll be going into it with regret or doubt & I don't want that. Especially the topic of bringing a child into the family. We both agreed we want 4 kids. & this would be baby #4 & last baby for us. I have 2 from a previous marriage & we have 1 son together. So, I have been leaving the topic alone. I've pushed it into a box & stuffed it in the back of my mind. I even made sure I used up all my pregnancy tests one month & never bought anymore until yesterday. Since he brought up the baby topic again I figured "hey what the heck! It won't hurt just to get a couple & do a quick test first thing this morning since AF is due any day now" but boy was I wrong. That BFN for me sure did hurt! 😞 the disappointment was written all over his face when he saw my used test just laying there on the bathroom counter when he went to pee this morning & I felt disappointed too. Even though I haven't been putting much effort into actually trying to get pregnant I knew that we had let loose & wasn't exactly careful on our recent vacation this past month & we coincidently had a lot of sex during my fertile window. Well apparently it either wasnt enough or just isn't time yet. Its sad because a part of me actually thought I could be pregnant & since things have been going so well & there has been no stress or pressure anywhere & we haven't even been focusing on baby making I thought for a brief moment this might be IT! But sadly I was wrong. I really hate this feeling. & I'm almost scared that our son was the only baby we will have together & maybe even my last time ever being pregnant. Maybe I sound like I'm just being impatient or ungrateful but I can't shake this feeling. I almost wished he wouldn't have even said anything or brought up the baby topic all over again because now I know it'll be all I can think of. He's mentioned it multiple times lately on his own & had even asked me if I wanna "make another baby" & that he wants to "impregnate me" because I'm so beautiful when pregnant & wants our son to have a sibling his age to grow up with. It just feels like something is not working right in my body or maybe even his body that we are just oblivious to. Its going on 8 months now that we've been trying with the exception of that mini break in between just to take the pressure off of us & it just isn't happening. I'm getting discouraged & worried. Any words of encouragement or advice would be appreciated. Someone talk me down!
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