Bad names that hurt

My boyfriend called me a cunt for sticking up for myself when he was being mean to me and making fun of me. He said I was useless and that I don't ever do anything then told me to rub him to bed then called me a stupid bitch face, I said how about you stop being so mean to me for no reason I'm not doing anything, I was just trying to rub him to bed and brought him some money for beer cause he told me that I couldn't see him unless I did. He then said you're a cunt and it's nothing new you're one every day. I teared up and said I'm not a cunt and he said yes you are. So I pinched his butt cheek really hard and told him does this hurt and he said yeah stop and then I did it harder and I said how does it feel to keep getting hurt, but I won't stop hurting you? I let go after I said that just wanted to feel the pain that he constantly puts me through. He was very drunk because when he got out of work at 3am he was saying he missed me and couldn't wait to see me, I woke up at 4:30 and he started being mean asking why the fuck I was up so early. I can't leave him I know I can't I love him so much but he can be so so mean to me..😢 is it bad that I pinched his butt and then went harder, but let go. I feel bad whenever I hurt him like that but I can't defend myself from words he always says something so much worse back to me 😢