What I went through when my body finally realized it was time to miscarry.

Julie
Around 8w I found out that I was one of the unfortunate ones to have a missed miscarriage, it was devasting then and I thought the few days I took to myself to griev  would be enough and I could move forward with everything, man I was wrong. The doctors wanted me to wait things out to miscarrying naturally even though I really didn't want to see what would come out and wait for my body to finally realize the fetus had died.
Long story short I began to spot about 2 weeks later which would have put me at around 10 weeks, I was thankful my body knew it was time. By the next day the spotting changed to light bleeding and I knew things were still progressing, it was stressful thinking how long everything would take as I know every body is different. I still didn't have any cramps so I figured I'd probably be doin this for another week or two. 
Well the 3rd day of bleeding came and that morning the cramps hit, at around 9am everything started to progress fast, the bleeding went from light to heavy and changing a pad every 30-45 min with the worst pain imaginable that came in waves every 5 min. I knew it was time to go to the hospital. By the time I got a room in emergency the contraction like pain was hitting me every 1-2min and stronger than ever, I couldn't bare the pain. I was given to 2 diesels of pain medication through IV that did absolutely nothing. The doc came in to check my cervix out and that made everything worse, I was not only getting about 15seconds of relief from the contractions with the blood just gushing. 
Finally the gyno came in and she went up and just pulled everything out, it was instant relief, I couldn't even believe it. At the time the pain was so bad that just have the pain gone put a smile on my face and I was just so relieved everything was out. Everything she had pulled out she had left on the table out of sight from me but I was able to see the head and dark black eyes of what was my baby. At this time I was still just grateful to be pain free. 
It's now been 2 days and I'm an emotional wreck, all night and all day I'm crying. I can't get the picture of seeing those eyes out of my head and my body feels so empty. Nothing is inside me anymore. I feel broken and lost and I feel as if no one can relate or understand why I'm so upset. My boyfriend is very caring but he's going on with his life like nothing happened. This emotional pain is now worse than the physical pain before and I can't seem to understand why I had to go through this. Why me? This pregnancy was a true blessing in disguise as i was on birth control but I fell in love so fast and the amount of joy I had waking up everyday is unforgettably. Now I'm destroyed. No one should ever have to go through this.