I was diagnosed with severe manic depression in 6th/7th grade (I will be 24 in September) so about 15 years ago. Ever since then have been off/on medicine for it and extreme mood swings. It has effected many things in my life, especially being able to hold down a job or go to school. I feel as though medicine hasn't always really helped as much as I feel it should have (and trust me I've been on all sorts of anti depressants) so I finally decided id say almost a year ago that I wanted to handle my depression, mood swings and anxiety on my own without medicine. I don't feel it's gone wonderfully but at times not so bad. As of recently though I feel my depression is just at rock bottom. I have no energy, no motivation, impulsiveness and anger. I really don't want to go back on medicine but am worried. I've been at my job now for a little over 6 months and this is the 2nd longest job I've been able to keep..my depression is starting to really effect it as I've found myself calling in quite a bit and I can't lose this job. It also worries me as I am 2nd guessing continuing trying to conceive..how can I bring a baby into this world when I have these kinds of problems? I feel it's so unfair to all involved. I guess I'm just looking for anyone who's experienced/felt like this to give me some advice or suggestions. I don't want to have to depend on medicine to function barely normally. I just want to be normal without taking anything. I'm tired of feeling this way.