I am a lil scared

I am April I am that girl that knows bout kids. I hate that all my friends and family have kids and I dont. Sometimes I yell at God. Cuz teen girls have kids, girls that do drugs, and girls that dont want kids have them. Let me who has wanted a child her whole life and would be good at it dont. Me and my husband have been married for 9 years. I got him to the point he wanted a child. It took me 9 mouths to get pregnant and that was not sex all the time. I lost her at 17 weeks and 5 days. My cervix opened and she came out. With her I had lots of blood and they keep saying she was ok. Then I took a few mouths to mouths to rest. The 2nd time it took 5 mouths to get pregnant. I last her at 18 weeks and 3 days. Her umbilical cord was around her neck twice. So they dont know how long she was like that. But the 18 weeks and 3 days is where I was when I pushed her out. Cuz she was not moving and when she came out they told me what was worng. So now it has been a few months and people are like are u goin to try again and I want to but I am sacred.