IT'S KINDA LONG, BUT I NEED TO TELL MY STORY( NEVER LET YOUR HEART CONTROLS YOUR HEAD)

I've been in relationship with a man for the past 4 years, we had a great chemistry, connection together, even our neighbors love the way we were, he was my best friend, I truly felt comfortable when I was with him,I even thought that we were soulmate, but I was dead wrong. We always had unprotected sex, and I never got pregnant, not even one day, always have my period on time.

Something had happened between us and I didn't have any other choice than to move to Florida with my sister. After 3 months we got back together, but I didn't move back to New Jersey because I was already have a job in Fl. I knew it was a cheater even he kept pretended to be a good man, but I always tell him to protect himself for disease. It didn't really matter that we were living in two different state, we still had the same connection, we used to talk via tango, Skype and imo even we were at work, at night we always fell asleep while on video call. Every 3 months I flew to NJ.

In August 2014 I found on FB that a girl was pregnant of him, I confronted him about it, he denied it, tell me the baby is not his, And I said ok, but I had a feeling that he was lying to me. In December he was coming to see me in FL, suddenly he called me saying he cannot because he didn't her sister for one year, he wanted to suprise her, he makes me understand and I said ok. In January 2015, I was coming from work and something tells go check on the girl's fb page, the first thing I saw was a maternity pic him and her, wow, that night I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I was shaking like a tree, I saved the picture on my phone, but that night I didn't tell him nothing about it, l pretended that every thing was ok. I waited until two weeks to confront him, he had audacity to tell me that isn't him in the picture, I was so mad when he said that if he was in my presence that day, I would probably go to prison, why telling me it's not you while I know you don't have a twin brother hun, you think Im stupid.

I went to Walgreens, took the pic out and buy him a congratulations baby card, after 3 weeks I flew to NJ. When I got there, he started crying like a baby, oh you come here to end up our 3 years relationship because of a baby, and I said hold on nigga, you told me the baby wasn't yours, right why you say that? And he said well, Im not sure that he's mine but I will need a DNA test, but I already signed his birth certificate and I said OMG. And I said you know what stop lying to yourself, you know he's ours, just take your responsibility for that child

And he telling me if the baby is his that is my fault, I should never moved to FL that I was following my sister who already have a life, he blamed for everything that happened in his life for the last two years, I tell him do not blame me, you should know better, you should always protect yourself, if you slept with her without condom that means you were in relationship with her and you trusted her, and he replied no no she told me that she couldn't get pregnant, she tricked him and I said you believe that, if she was HIV + or has STD what would you do hun, you would infect me too, so tell me how am I responsible for your act? I tell him why he did this to me, he always trying to control me, he always want to know where I am and he never call me directly on my phone, always on video call just to make sure that I'm home or at work, my days off was Saturday and Sunday, Saturday at 9 Am he called me on video call until he fell asleep at 1am on Sunday, Sunday morning same thing , he saw everything I did during the weekend, always like that.

I said you know what our relationship is going nowhere we better end it up, he left me in the hotel for 2 days, not even call me or showing up. After two days he calls me around 8 PM, telling me the baby is sick and he doesn't have any money right now to buy the medication, I am the only one who can help him out, he was begging me, I tell him no, Im not going to help you after you leave me in hotel room for two days, no and I hang up the phone. After a while I think about it and I tell myself the child is innocent, don't do that to an innocent child even you are mad at him, I called him back, instead of transferring the money, I send it via Western Union because it is the fastest way for him

Back in Florida, always text me that he missed me, he wanted me back if I could move back to NJ that we can be together again, on june 2015 I moved back to NJ, but before I moved, I make sure that I have a job first. Everything back to normal as if we just meet again fall in love again, I had a good job, working 5/7 sometimes 6/7, him was working 5/7 in NY, we were living together.

We were deeply in love, that's what I thought until I found out that I was pregnant in December after 4 years of having sex without any protection, when I tell him that I was pregnant, guess what? He wanted me to have an abortion because he's not ready yet for another child, I tell him heck the fuck no I'm not going to abort my baby, Im not a teenager, im 29, why would I do that? He insulted me, called me name and move out.

In February 2016 my life takes another direction, I came to visit my family in FL, while there everything changes for me, due to health issues, went to emergency they put me on bed rest and they told me that I cannot work until I give birth, I called my employers and tell them what happened and they seem very comprehensive and considered my case.

I texted him the same day I found out that I couldn't work and tell him about my situation in Fl, he never texted me or call me back. I applied for assistance and get denied, apply for temporary disability, get denied, it's like a God punishment for got back with this man. My sister, My Mom and cousin are the ones whose helping me sometimes, I cried every day and every night, I'm completely depress because of my situation right now, I'm 8 months pregnant and still doesn't have what I was supposed to have for the baby, but I'm grateful for the little I have, its just a temporary moment in my life. Often God gives us the hardest punishment just to show us of what kind of man, or friends we are dealing with.

The other day I received an email from him after 7 months, telling me that he still loves me, he's still thinking of me and he didn't want to hurt me like he did, he did it because he lost his job at that time. I emailed him back telling him that he didn't hurt me, I hurt myself by getting back with him while I was supposed to walk away from him, I tell him that I forgive him. He texted me back on whatsapp asking me what I want now, I tell him that I want nothing from him, just to leave me alone and I make sure he understands, I write " forgive you doesn't mean that I still love you or need you in my life, I forgive you because I want to be in peace with myself, and I learn my life's lesson" just wait for your karma.