caught him watching porn

I get everyone has different sides on this. One side, they're okay with watching porn in their relationship. The other is like mine, it breaks your heart. It's not aloud in your relationship. Now if your side is different from mine, please don't leave comments like "it's normal and you shouldn't control him like that, I do it all the time, ect. " I don't want to hear that.

So I woke up in bed with him, I was facing away from him towards the wall. I woke up cause I felt the bed shaking. I turn over quickly, cause i know exactly what was happening. His dick is out and hes watching porn. As soon as he sees me up, his face is scared and immediatley shuts off his phone. I try ignore to ignore what i just saw and just lay back down to how i was. Me being absoulutely furious, im shaking. Im that pissed off. He asks why. I said im fine and act like i fell back asleep. Right after that, he gets up and leaves. I laid there for awhile just incase if he just went to go use the restroom. I sit up and look in the restroom. Hes not in there. Im fucking raging now. I know what hes doing. I get up and sneak on him in the living room without him noticing me. Hes watching porn, and has his fucking dick out again jacking off. I scared the shit out of him. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING BABE." He quickly turns off his phone, puts his dick up and sits up in disbelief like holy shit, she caught me. I kept asking what are you doing. Hes just sitting there, shitting his pants only saying "babe..babe....babe" Like omfg, dont leave me over this. That goes on. He had awhile to sit there and make up some bullshit excuse which was "i didnt want to wake you up again so i went in here and i was scratching my balls" oh yeah? Im like okay, so prove it to me. Show me your internet history. That shouldnt be a problem right? Since you werent doing what i know you were doing. "Babe its 3am and i just lost my phone " in a matter of seconds when you just had it in your hands? Lol. im like ok. Ill leave you alone, but until you show me your phone im going to stay pissed and not believe you. I lay back down in my room. I go back in the living room hes on his phone. Which i thought was lost. You know what hes doing. Deleting shit. Im like so i see i found your phone, and i cant ask for proof now because you've already done deleting everything huh?

The reason why im so angry, I am being fucking lied to. Ive found porn looked up on the history of our laptop multiple times, and he lied and said it was only a pop up. Then he NEVER compliments me, i dont remember the last time he called me beautiful... The last thing he has said about my looks was "you're not much to look at" and "you're makeup is fucked up cause you're sweating ". I'm not exxagerating, I keep up with what he says to me. Now I know why he doesn't compliment me. Cause I'm nothing like a porn star. I'm overweight, pregnant, and saggy boobs. So because of porn, he thinks I'm a ugly piece of shit cause obviously that's what I'm am to a fucking sex goddess.

Hes sleeping on the couch tonight I'm just hoping he comes in here and comes out to me.. I just want honesty, you know. It's not all about the porn. It's that I'm being lied to, and he's been going behind my back. While doing these things, I'm the one being accused of terrible things. He's always going through my phone and my email on the laptop, looking for something bad. Well there isn't, hes just looking for shit hes never going to find because I love him and would never do something that i know would hurt him or bother him. Im honest, i pamper him, im faithful, and make sure he feels loved. What do i get? Shitty treatment.

Im just sitting here trying to figure out why im not good enouugh, what can i do to be better so he will love me as much as i love him.

How do i punish him for this, what would you do in my situation..leaving isnt a option. Anything but that. I just dont know what to do. I feel incredibly insecure, lied to, and betrayed....I thought he loved me more than this. Why do I deserve this shit.