Venting

Do you ever feel like you just need to get things off your chest? But have no one to listen to you?

My parents kicked me out 2 months after my 17th birthday, then withdrew me from school. I moved in with my friends got a job and things were going the best they could. At 18 I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, unfortunately I miscarried. Exactly 1 year later I found out I was pregnant again. My husband, then bf and I were living with friends and not in the best situation but we brought our son into this world. Things were going good we both had jobs had a place with our best friend, I got my ged and had every intention to start school. On my 21st birthday my bio dad wrote me on FB which surprised me cause my mom told me he died when I was in second grade. Soon after that I found out my body rejected my mirana and I was pregnant with our second son. My bio dad was only talking to me to get money from me and when I wouldn't give it he stopped talking to me. Which really depressed me. When my kids where 6 months and 3 years my husband and I got a house with our best friend the god father to our children and his new gf. My husband worked with our friends gf and she didn't like me for stupid shit that happened in high school, so every day when they went to work she would tell him I was cheating on him and that he should leave me. I stayed at home taking care of not only my children but her 2 year old daughter as well. When they would get home my husband would just have an attitude with me not talk to.me it got to the point he slept on the floor in the living room we had no sex life never talked. She would tell me you deserve so much better while telling him the same thing. Instead of talking we just fought and I eventually just moved in with my parents. I got a job and After 2 weeks staying with them they told me I needed to go live in a shelter, that they couldn't keep helping me and my kids. I tried to get into shelters but all were full, so I ended up moving in with this guy I worked with. I was depressed my parents didn't want me around my husband was mad at me didn't want me around he already had a new gf I felt alone so I ended up sleeping with this guy. Eventually my husband reached out suggested we go to a counselor and work on our marriage I was so happy. We were working on us for the first time in almost 2 years and I was falling in love with him all over again. 4 months later I found out I was pregnant, by the guy I worked with. I was confused as I was on birth control and was getting my period but there I was pregnant. I placed the baby for adoption not because he wasn't my husband but because we were in a 2 bedroom apartment sharing a room with our 2 kids, and just weren't in the position to raise another kid. It is an open adoption so I still get updates. My husband landed a really awesome computer tech job we were able to get our own place we are never late on bills, got our own cars and things are just going great. After placing my baby for adoption I was scared to be intimate with my husband birth control failed me I knew I was super fertile and I didn't want to risk getting pregnant, but it was taking a toll on our marriage my husband didn't feel loved cause I never showed him that I loved him, I rolled over as soon as he got in.bed I wouldn't kiss him hug him in fear that it would lead to more. All my friends people in the agency I went through all reassured me everything would be ok that I needed to show my husbandand intimacy. So I decided I would track my period when I ovulate etc i did that for four months to make sure I knew when it was and wasn't ok to have sex, I thought I had it down, so on father's day after almost a year I had sex with my husband. That was on the 20th i ovulated the 25th I thought I was in the clear. My period didn't come on the 10 or the 11th of July on the 12th I took a hpt it was positive, took another the next day it was positive. I cried for a few days and decided to take two more just for make sure and both were really positive. I am in disbelief still shocked. I am to afraid to tell anyone. I want to be excited but I can't. I wish I had support but I don't. I'm in school my husband has a great job we are doing great better then we ever have but I am having a hard time getting excited because of parents and what others will think of me. I want the best life for my kids, I just finished my first year of college, on track to get my b.s. of science in human services and family counseling. I'm doing this for my children in trying but I know my parents will be disappointed. I don't know how to tell them or even if I want to. I don't know how to tell anyone, part of the excitement of being pregnant is being able to share with other people and I can't.

Sorry this is so long I just needed to get this off my chest.