Regrets (mild trigger warning)

So I slept with a guy a while ago so that I could at least live knowing it was possible for me to consent to and enjoy sex, we ended up dating, and then he dumped me over snapchat, he was the first guy I had let touch or get close to me since i was raped by my ex when I was 16 and then ended up having a horrible misscarage alone in my bathroom and being to afraid to tell my extremely religious parents or anyone else, and I'm really regretting my choice to hook up with him (and just about everything else) because I cared for him a lot more then I should have, and I just can't stop feeling this, and I keep wanting to call him, and I can feel my depression getting bad again and my need to have some human affection, because it is rare with my emotionally abusive mother and my father being a very closed off man who has told me to just get over the rape because "guys don't like girls who are afraid to be touched at the wrong time" and I just am not sure how to handle this because my therapist told me I couldn't talk to her about the rape or she would have to contact authorities on the ex, and this was so long ago that there would be no physical evidence, and I just keep having nightmares and feeling like my body isn't mine and that I've ruined it and that I'm unlovable and I'm just so scared and alone right now because I have about 3 friends and none of them have been talking to me.