Why can't I get my BFP?

I am six days late. And part of me is so excited, and the other part of me is terrified. I'm excited bc hey, that's the first major sign of pregnancy! But I'm also terrified bc if AF shows up, I'm going to be devastated. I tested negative again today, and I'm honestly just so disappointed in myself. The one thing my body is made to do, and I can't even do that right. I'm just having such a hard time with this, and needed to vent. No one in my personal life knows that I'm TTC, so I don't really have anyone to talk to.