Can't cope

I had a miscarriage on 10th June 2016 I was only 4-5 weeks but I was so attached to it already I tried for ages to get pregnant and it all went in a flash I can't talk about the miscarriage any more to anyone but I always think about it in my head, and I cry every day like 3-4 times a day and I just want to have a baby, I have a 3 year old son but he isn't with me and I can't see him at all because his Nan is a bitch :( I just want a baby so bad people think I wouldn't be able to look after one and that I'm a bad mum all I want is to have a baby I'd take care of it 24/7 it would be my rainbow baby I can't cope 😵😵😵😵😵😵😵