Um help?

I have a lot in my head haven't and can't tell my therapist because I am not sure how to say it and I just want to try to open up anonymously first. I am currently 17 I have my first longest relationship serious relationship let me tell you about my past before I tell you about right now. I was abused by my dad and one of my oldest sister's it wasn't just hitting or punching it was choking and being thrown across room for Little Things like not eating lunch or not cleaning my room or not responding to my dad when he was talking to me even though it wasn't even a question. Then I started getting bullied in the fifth grade I cried too much but that's only because they don't know what I was crying about tried being molested and then reading that person's name the FCAT we're hearing that person's name in The Halls. And on top of it I was 235 pounds in the 5th grade stress eating I always ate every time I got yelled at or every time I got hit so they didn't know I stress eat picked on for being fat and I guess being fat make me ugly so they called me ugly. In the 6th grade got called a lesbian even though I was straight I was curious for a time but if a girl molested you as a kid maybe you understand why I wasn't for it. But I got picked on for being lesbian so I ended up cutting myself because maybe I was just so used to being hurt all the time it was a good way to take out my pain instead of feeling pain in my chest or in my head I put it somewhere else on my body in 7th grade I started smoking weed and taking mushrooms and I started doing acid and drinking all the time in the 8th grade I attempted to overdose I failed so I thought okay I have another chance I lost a lot of weight trying to impress everybody else in the 9th grade there was rumors about me sleeping around and being a whore and getting called a slut. Even though I didn't lose my virginity til November 14th 2015 but w.e. self-harm wasn't cutting it for me so I attempted suicide again this time it wasn't pills I thought about so many ways I thought about drowning but realize how painful and slow that would be and how my body would fight for air. I thought about hanging myself but then I realized it would be the same as drowning so I went to the balcony of my school I just sat there on the railing and the one person that crossed my mind was my best best friend and I didn't want her to walk out of class and see my dead body there she didn't deserve that But the teacher walked out and sent me to guidance from there I was Baker acted and was sent to MHRC Mental Health Resource Clinic and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and was put on medicine started therapy a year later over the summer I was raped by my guy best friend well (was) it's been a year since then and now I'm in 12th grade my current situation I have a boyfriend going on 10 months and he has anger issues in control issues and I'm not allowed to look at guys or be friends with guys I'm not allowed to have social media I'm not allowed to be friends with my best friends and I can't go out unless I'm with my sister he's not affectionate like he used to be he doesn't spontaneously try to see me he doesn't even really try to see me at all anymore he doesn't text me as much as he used to it is just not the same he tells me that that's not who he is anymore and I'm really scared that I lost the person I fell in love with I became codependent and with every bad thing happening in my life I don't see why I deserve what I've been through.