My message to those struggling to conceive.

Hi

I gave up on being pregnant. I died a little inside. I started to tell people... so I could hear myself say it and come to terms with it myself. I can't have a baby, no one knows why, I've tried everything. I would be too upset to engage with anyone about mummy things.

Seriously one thing I hate is people telling me "just give it time mine took 3 years of trying!"

I tried for ten years. My family gave up long before I did. My consultant was baffled. I had multiple surgeries. I did not get to have IVF because some government dickhead thought that having a primary school step child two nights a week was the same as having your own baby so you don't need one. We tried to get them to look at endometriosis but they didn't want to invest the resources into it.

Then I got very sick. No one knew what was wrong. I was flooded with an infection affecting many of my organs and no one knew where it was coming from. I got a good solid dose of iv antibiotics and fluids and stopped eating for 3-4 days entirely.

But I got better. And then... I suddenly a few days later, got tired and slept for 15 hours of the day. I don't know why, but I had one single pregnancy test left over and i took it out. In my box full of conception vitamins, ovulation trackers etc .. I had bought these tests in bulk a long time ago. It was out of date now by a considerable amount. I used it anyway. And then I sat down and cried.

I showed it to my partner, he went out the next day and bought me three more (in date) pregnancy tests.

All positive.

I'm now in my second trimester and so far so good. I still feel totally lost.. like it's not really happening.. or something will just go wrong and that will be that. But I'm holding on to my miracle.

So just so you guys out there know. Miracles do happen! Be happy with yourself, and take care of yourself physically and mentally. Because it is HARD. And for some people there is no hope at all. My love and thoughts are with those people the most because you are so amazingly strong to cope with that. Like insanely strong.