I couldn't tell my husband

I was crying in the bed. And my husband came in and asked what's wrong. I couldn't tell my husband I was crying again because I feel like we are never gonna get pregnant. That I'm having a major heavy cycle and my boobs hurt. That I feel defective every month AF shows up even when we are doing everything right. That I'm tired of holding my breath every month. That my PMS is so horrible off the pill. And that I'm so sick of people asking about when we are gonna add to the family. That I'm lonely and wish there was someone else in my life who didn't tire of listening to the fertility drama. And while he is the world's most wonderful man, I couldn't tell him I was hurting again. Not because he wouldn't be loving and wonderful, but because I don't want to saddle him with my stupid breakdown over my stupid desire for a baby. So I lied. I said I was tired. And that's true. I am tired. And how I don't wanna go to another church potluck tonight with all the little old ladies asking what the hang up is? That I'm scared that faint line that disappeared is all I'm ever gonna get now? That every month a piece of me dies when I start.  I hate that crying is my go to response for everything. But I just couldn't tell him I was crying again over the same stupid thing.