Seeking a new midwifery.
I thought I was going to be ok with the midwifery that my insurance set me up with, that I could "be ok" settling for a hospital birth with a midwife and doula. But today I realized that I can't settle. The way things are going on around me tell me that even with this midwifery I will not have the birthing experience that I desire, and I will not have all the decision making power that is rightfully mine.
My midwives are on rotation, so far in the 3 appointments that I've had, I have seen 3 different midwives. They say it's good to meet hem all because you aren't really positive who will be the on-call midwife at the time you deliver, but it's unusual his early in pregnancy. I haven't made any connections with any of them. Plus they do 4 group appointments throughout your pregnancy to get more "face time" with the patients, but again it's with a different midwife and I can't be vulnerable or make connections in a group setting. The idea really throws me off.
The final straw was today with the receptionist. Back in January I had a LEEP procedure done at their office by an OBGYN. Because of that procedure I have to have my cervical length checked at 16 weeks (I'm 14 weeks 4 days). So I called to schedule this appointment and found out that the OBGYN doesn't see midwife patients, and the midwives can't perform the exam. It has to be done by a MD. The only MD the office has is a male doctor I have never met before. For personal reasons I will not have a male doctor perform a medical exam on me, ESPECIALLY at a time when my husband cannot be present for the appointment. When I asked if that was my only option the receptionist replied, "pretty much" with a tone.
It was just disappointing that they can't do more to make their patients comfortable. So I am putting off the appointment until I can speak with the OBGYN who did my procedure and see if she is willing to do it anyway or if it's actually necessary.
I made an appointment with a private midwifery/birthing center for a consultation to discuss options. My insurance doesn't cover birth centers, so we may just pay out of pocket. But I want to feel comfortable! And instead this has just been a headache.
Prayers that we make a good decision about who delivers and WHERE we deliver our baby.