I KNOW I am incredibly lucky to be from the UK and have access to the NHS.

I KNOW I am only at the beginning of the journey and people have experienced much more heartache than me. If anything that makes me more frustrated because I know the struggles that may yet come. 

So yesterday was our first appointment at the fertility clinic. We have been ttc#1 for 12 months. Back in April I wasn't coping very well, everyone around me was getting pregnant and having their babies and it was causing me a lot of anxiety so my doc agreed to start testing us to put my mind at ease. My bloods came back normal but hubby's doc said his sa was not ideal so we got referred. Date came through pretty quick. But the hospital cancelled the morning of because the consultant was sick. Next available appt was 5 weeks later. Ok fine. 

Well yesterday we go for that appt and it took them an hr to find our results (while we sit in his room in silence), then said the tests hadn't been done properly and would need to all be done again. Told us to prevent pregnancy because I have no antibodies to rubella but couldn't tell me how many times they would try to vaccinate me before they accepted it wouldn't work (I've had it 3 times already!) and then gave us a wad of test envelopes and forms. One of which is to call on cd 1 to book in for a hsg on cd 10. CD 1 is today (yes AF I know I'm not pregnant. Thanks for that!) but I can't book in because they haven't made the referral yet!!! And to top it off they send you to the antenatal clinic (with all the pregnant ladies!) for blood tests. 

I KNOW it just is. I KNOW other people have it tougher. But we shouldn't. It's not ok. This process is hard enough without all the added bullshit.