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I hit rock bottom

I have never experienced love,

I'm 17 and I know I have a whole life ahead of me. But something about love fascinates me...

My dad and I were closer than close when I was a child, but one day he stopped.. He shut me out and never told me why,

My brother moved out when he was 16 and didn't speak to me for years telling me I was the reason he left(my fear of him beating me if I told my mom something was what the down fall of him moving out)

My own mom, she says she loves all of us, but yet she hasn't said it personally to any of us in the past 6 years. And when somethings wrong with us or we finally choose a path she shoots it down and denies us that path (I got accepted to my dream collage ... And she canceled my classes )

My step-dad he does nothing but curse and swear that my sister and I are ungrateful but yet his daughter that my mother bore, is perfect .. Even flawless .

My ex loves

I have been so purssiatant on finding this thing called love I fell into an atomic relationship, he stole not only my virginity(which I never wanted to give up) but also my strength to fight back. He would yell and shake me if he didn't get his way and if I dared to ask who the girl he was texting I would be drowned with hurtful words.

I found a guy a great guy...and well I've screwed it up and he doesn't know..

He treats me with respect and does the right things.. We aren't official because I'm scared of the effect it may have on him or us...

But last night I somehow wandered over to an ex's house ..one that hurt me beyond what I expected and I spent the night with him...

I've been so greedy trying to fulfill this want and I didn't realize till it happened...I cannot deal with the cards I've felt myself nor the ones felt to me..

I just want love

From someone and once I get it I don't realize it until I fucked up..

No one dersves this to be hurt the way I hurt him...

I failed him and he doesn't know yet💔

Because I'm to stupid for a touch of someone telling me they care even if it's for their own pleasure...

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