He is pissed at me because he is an ass..

I don't think it is too much to ask that, occasionally, my husband tells me that I look nice. I am not asking for pretty, or beautiful, gorgeous, or even sexy... Just nice.

Last night I got all decked out. Makeup, nice clothes, heels, ect. He got dressed up and I told him how good he looked, like I normally do because when he gets cleaned up.. He does look good. He says nothing to me... Ok.. Whatever.

So, tonight we were outside and the woman next door came over and he tells her, "Wow, you are looking good tonight. " I waited until we were aline in the house and then I lost my shit and told him all about himself. I told him that it must be nice to have someone tell you that you are looking good. How it amazes me that I even have a mother f'ing self esteem after all these years since even though he is MY husband, I cant get a nice word out of him. He tells me, "I love you".. Yeah.. Well, sometimes saying I love you is not enough.. Sometimes you need to show me that you love me. I told him that I am damn proud to be with him and to let others know that he is my husband.. I praise him in public and private all the time. I asked him if he can say the same. Why, because when we are out place he acts like he cant be bothered.. Like we are just friends or f'ing brother and sister. After over a f'ing DECADE it has been like this.. I have told him how it makes me feel.. It barely changes for a few weeks then it is back to his normal MO.

So, now he is pissed off at me because he realizes that I am right.. He realizes that how he overlooks me hurts me and has me questioning myself as a person, a wife, a lover, EVERYTHING. I try so very hard to keep myself as fit as possible.. As attractive as I can.. For myself, yes, but also for him.. Not gonna lie. I just feel that no matter what I do I am not good enough.. No matter how much I love him unconditionally, put up with his bullshit and support him mentally and emotionally.. He has me feeling that because I am not a mother f'ing size 6 with a banging ass, that somehow I am not enough.

It isnt WHAT he says... It is the lack of saying ANYTHING.... It is how he acts and how his actions make me feel.

Idk.. Maybe I am over reacting but I cant help how I feel and I am so tired of doing what is essentially talking to a brick wall.