I want everyone to know, please hold your little ones right every night, spend that 10 extra minutes past bedtime just snuggling and loving on them. All the long, sleepless nights seem like a breeze after this. And always tell your kids you love them, even if you've already said it 7 times. 

On June 10th, 2016 something was wrong. My baby wasn't the same child he was when I dropped him off; there was something wrong. The week prior he had seemed weird, more like a cold so I called the doctor Wednesday night and planned to get him in Monday morning. But on this very Friday, something in me knew this wasn't right. I had to get him in immediately. So I did. After a fight with the receptionist about how they had no sick visits on Fridays because of how late in the day I called. But you best believe I fought with this woman until I got in. 

I picked up my baby, and he had burst capillaries in his eyes (which can happen from a number of things, contact, impact, headaches, fevers, the list goes on), he said he had a headache and felt hot, he could barely walk to the car. I just knew. So we went into our appointment and his pediatrician begins her exam, she's asking questions, normal ones too, and then she asks that I go get my husband and a nurse will watch our sleeping 22 month old in the lobby. So I figured she wanted to discuss treatment of whatever sickness this was. She sits us down, and begins to choke up. Which I may add I've never seen her do, and begins to tell me something is seriously wrong; she says he has leukemia. But what was leukemia? To someone who didn't know we just wanted answers. She began to go on about how it isn't what it once was and that it is 80% treatable. But those words were a blur when she said cancer. My. Four. Year. Old. Baby. Has. Cancer. What? Like what? We had been there a month earlier and discussing his health. But she told there was a 3% chance it could just be an infection, but to be 110% sure we had to go to the emergency room. After finding a baby sitter for our daughter, that's where we went. Hours of sitting, waiting for answers, blood tests, urine samples, we learned he had a fever of 103.4 and he was very sick (we hadn't gotten confirmation yet) and he was very weak. Soon a doctor came in, with a few others, and sat down next to me and place her hand on my shoulder which I knew wasn't going to be good news. She goes on to confirm the original diagnosis. My son has cancer. He is very high risk. His hemoglobin was 4.7, a normal child his age is 11.5, meaning he's very weak and sick, and in a lot of pain. Also, she goes on to tell me that his white blood cells were 156k and a normal child is 20-40k; meaning his cancer was taking over his sweet little body. We were immediately admitted to the pediatrics floor and monitored. Meeting so many doctors, being taught so many things, learning all of the studies and treatments and potential situations, during all of this I was still in awe. My child had cancer. I felt and still feel like the most awful mother for never noticing something so serious. But I know it's not my fault. Over that weekend we did a lot of research (via oncologist recommended websites) and it still wasn't real. It wasn't real until 6/13, a Monday morning, watching my baby become lifeless due to anesthesia, and being prepared for his first spinal tap and chemo. And a procedure that was supposed to only be 2 hours, ended up being 5. And I couldn't get answers. I was freaking out. No one could tell me. Soon a nurse came out to get me and told me there were complications, he aspirated. He stopped breathing. They almost lost my baby. So now we stayed in PICU, with my sweet boy having a ventilator and breathing tube. Days passed and days and soon we could see him getting better but before that he got worse; he almost died one night and I almost lost the little boy who gave me life. My husband and I were just dating when I found out I was pregnant at 15, and I didn't know what to do. But we made it, against all odds we stayed together through hell and here we are, facing it again. 8 days passed and he was finally able to be woken up. And seeing his face without tubes was the greatest feeling in the world. I could finally kiss his sweet little lips again. I could hear him say I love you, instead of me crying at his bedside every night, praying for a miracle. But well fast forward a few weeks now, due to one type of chemo he lost his voice but it soon came back. He was not able to walk, so diapers it was (and boy was he pissed about that lol) and we had our ups and downs in our 6 weeks in the hospital. We were told Friday his counts weren't good enough to go home, and then the same thing Saturday morning, but we prayed and prayed and Sunday morning his counts were there! We could bring our baby home! 

Although this has been hell and back and more, and Spencer will be undergoing treatment for the next 3-5 years, we love each day as its our last. I wish you all could know this little boy, he truly is the light of everyone's life. Anyone who meets him, is touched by his presence. His light. His love of life, even in such dark times. He is our savior. ❤️ 

I hope everyone reads this and knows how real this all is. And if there are other mommies who are or have gone through this, I would LOVE to connect. 

Thank you all. ❤️