I Hate myself (rant)

While i was pregnant my boyfriend wished i had an abortion or put my baby up for adoption yesterday i said i wish i would of too so i wouldn't have to deal with what I'm going through now. I love my baby with everything in me. He threatened suicide for the 4th time now. I called the police they found him and took him to his mom's. I didn't hear anything. This morning she text me. "How are you? It must be difficult carrying for a baby you wish you aborted." I haven't heard from him since 8:30 last night. I just can't believe anything right now my mind is so lost.