Am I gross now?

Okay here it goes. 👇🏼👇🏼

Last year, freshman year for me, I started talking to a senior. He was so sweet to me and I really liked him. We talked for 4 months. I know that's not a lot but silly me actually though that I was in love with him, and I told him that I was. Also, silly me thought that he cared about me back. But he didn't. He was just a fuck boy who talked to several other freshman because they are apparently "easy targets." The thing is, he was so manipulative. He would text me that he loved me and shit and then in person whenever I tried to talk to him, he ran off because he was "busy" or he just talked to me like we were just friends. Like why would he do that and then text me things like "I want to kiss you." And "i want to do so many things to you." ? 

But I liked him so I would just let it go and we basically just had a texting relationship. I get it now how silly that is, believe me. Anyway, getting to the actual point👉🏼 I really thought I was in love so when he asked me for nudes (using me) I said yes. He was my first person I have ever let see my body. He was the first person who I ever felt sexual about and sexted and stuff. I have always wanted to save that for someone special, not a fuck boy. But I ruined it. 

About a week or so later he texted me and told me "I don't really want to talk anymore because you are too young for me." Wtf? You weren't saying that while jerking off to my pics! 

It was so not worth it and I feel so crappy about it! Why did I let him take that from me! I know it's not that big a deal but it is to me because I wanted that person to last and actually care about me. How could I be so stupid? 

Am I gross because I already gave that important piece away? How do I forgive myself? My sister says its gross and that I don't know what love is and should have never done it. Everyone I try to talk to about it has just told me I'm gross. 

You guys are all I have❤️

Any advice will help, love you girls