Am I being petty?

Question

I need a bit of advice because I feel as though I'm being petty. I need some outside perspective.

So I recently went through a miscarriage. I wanted this little baby so much. I can't even describe how much I already loved that little 6 week gestation human being. But I went to my ultrasound at 9 weeks and found out that my little baby had died. I went through the process and ended up with a D&C at 12 weeks.

Anyways. In the last month since that happened, I found out that one of my SIL'S is pregnant. This is her 4th child and she didn't want anymore after 3. And then to top the cake, I found out yesterday that my sister is pregnant. She currently has a 5 month old and didn't even want another baby for a long time... So I'm feeling sad and sorry for myself because I'm not pregnant anymore and two woman I know are and they don't even want their babies. 😔 I just feel as though everything is so unfair right now. My husband is sympathetic, but he really doesn't understand how I feel.

Advice? Perspective? Judgement? I honestly feel as though I'm being petty. It's not their fault.

Answer

Maybe they don't actually mean it when they say they don't want it, they probably just need time to process it again. & I know exactly how you feel. I had a miscarriage a couple months ago, & I've felt like why is is unfair that this friend of mine gets to have a baby under her circumstances but I lost mine.

Answer

I have been where you are and it's perfectly normal. I remember feeling like it was unfair that certain people got pregnant so easily and that I would never get my chance again. Every time I saw another pregnancy announcement my heart would literally hurt.

BUT! I am now 20 weeks with my rainbow after 2 losses. I remember crying in my shower that I would never be pregnant again, but here I am. I know how it feels to have no hope, but there is hope! I promise! You feel however you want to feel right now and it's okay to not feel totally happy for others. But just believe your turn will come around again. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Big hugs to you!

Answer

Nope ur not being petty 😙💗

Answer

Just the fact that you are asking these questions shows that you have perspective on your emotions. Keep asking these questions and hold onto your perspective.

This is a very normal response. I've definitely felt this way at times, especially with women who claim they didn't want more children. A friend's sister actually almost got an abortion with her latest pregnancy, decided not to, but continued using (she's a drug addict), and her twin girls had to go through detox when they were born. CPS stepped in and she lost custody of all three of her kids to her parents. It's a train wreck. And I'm over here like, wtf. How come she gets to have kids she literally can't even take care of, and I've gone through two losses of very, very wanted and prepared for children? It's definitely not fair.

That said, this really helps with my perspective. If there's someone I know who is pregnant, but I know they will love and care for their new baby, it helps my heart hurt a little less. It helps the anger to subside and allows just the grief to come through. Because that is what this feeling is, at its bottom. It's sorrow. So I can honor that, honor my ongoing mourning, and still love the friends and family in my life who are pregnant.

It takes a lot of work. I'm still angry sometimes, and sometimes I just can't be with certain people. That's ok. Just keep working through it. It takes time to grieve.

Am I being petty?

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